Being a mom is something I have always wanted to be. I wanted kids, lots of kids. I wanted five until I had one. Then I wanted three, now I have two and I don't know how people handle more than that. But ask me again when Blaine starts sleeping through the night and I finally feel human again, or when Blaine isn't the little snuggle butterball that he is and my answer will probably change.
I feel like a failure most days as a mom and as a wife. I lose my patience way too easy, I yell all too often, and worst of all I hurt my daughter's feeling when this happens. I feel awful. No sleep, no time to myself, no time with Josh, and a messy house that I have no energy to clean just plain kicks my ass.
I remind myself and Josh when we have two clingy, crying kids that this won't last and of course people tell us this all the time to enjoy it. Yeah right. Did you enjoy all of it? Hell no you didn't. Sometimes being a parent sucks.
I wrote the above over a month (maybe two?) ago, never finished because I was having bad mommy thoughts. Those thoughts that creep in when things are at their worst. Well I'm proud to report things are much better in the Willis household. Blaine sleeps around 10 hours, sometimes with a wake up around the seven hour mark to eat then goes right back to sleep. I'm very luck, but I'm not holding my breath. I feel he is playing a cruel joke on me. But hey! Little Chowder loves his food and apparently his sleep too. Josh and I have had a date day and went to watch KU play some basketball. They won! It was a blast just spending the day with him. Something that needs to happen more often.
As I'm typing this, Winnie the Pooh plays on TV and Hunter is asleep next to me. I just love this sweet girl, she has a kind heart along a sassy side that she shows often. With that sass, I wonder how preteen and teen years are going to go. I'm already praying for them to treat us well. She has such a sweet spirit I pray it won't get lost with time.
Wednesday morning she woke up and heard her brother 'talking' in his room. He had woke up as well and was playing nicely by himself. I do not disturb when this happens. Well Hunter wanted to go see her brother and when I told her no she burst in to tears. Real tears. I let her go in the bedroom after I took this photo, how could I not?
I pray she never loses the love she has for her brother and that Blaine never loses his love for his sister. If there is one person that Blaine wants to see more than Josh and I, it is his sister (if not more than us). He just laughs and laughs with her. That precious, contagious, innocent laugh that only children have. Great parenting tip : put them both in the crib, add a few toys and turn on Beauty and the Beast. They entertain each other for quite some time. Tonight I was able to make dinner with limited interruptions. Convenient for me, and sweet time for them. Two birds with one stone!
So yes, being a parent is hard, it sucks some times, sometimes you will wish for that life when you only had to worry about feeding yourself, but then you will get those sweet reminders. Those moments that imprint on your heart. Like when Hunter says 'you're my girl' or when she says Love You Most Mom, or Blaine giving his snuggles, kisses, and big smiles when he sees you, and you know you wouldn't trade it for the world.
I feel like a failure most days as a mom and as a wife. I lose my patience way too easy, I yell all too often, and worst of all I hurt my daughter's feeling when this happens. I feel awful. No sleep, no time to myself, no time with Josh, and a messy house that I have no energy to clean just plain kicks my ass.
I remind myself and Josh when we have two clingy, crying kids that this won't last and of course people tell us this all the time to enjoy it. Yeah right. Did you enjoy all of it? Hell no you didn't. Sometimes being a parent sucks.
I wrote the above over a month (maybe two?) ago, never finished because I was having bad mommy thoughts. Those thoughts that creep in when things are at their worst. Well I'm proud to report things are much better in the Willis household. Blaine sleeps around 10 hours, sometimes with a wake up around the seven hour mark to eat then goes right back to sleep. I'm very luck, but I'm not holding my breath. I feel he is playing a cruel joke on me. But hey! Little Chowder loves his food and apparently his sleep too. Josh and I have had a date day and went to watch KU play some basketball. They won! It was a blast just spending the day with him. Something that needs to happen more often.
As I'm typing this, Winnie the Pooh plays on TV and Hunter is asleep next to me. I just love this sweet girl, she has a kind heart along a sassy side that she shows often. With that sass, I wonder how preteen and teen years are going to go. I'm already praying for them to treat us well. She has such a sweet spirit I pray it won't get lost with time.
Wednesday morning she woke up and heard her brother 'talking' in his room. He had woke up as well and was playing nicely by himself. I do not disturb when this happens. Well Hunter wanted to go see her brother and when I told her no she burst in to tears. Real tears. I let her go in the bedroom after I took this photo, how could I not?
So yes, being a parent is hard, it sucks some times, sometimes you will wish for that life when you only had to worry about feeding yourself, but then you will get those sweet reminders. Those moments that imprint on your heart. Like when Hunter says 'you're my girl' or when she says Love You Most Mom, or Blaine giving his snuggles, kisses, and big smiles when he sees you, and you know you wouldn't trade it for the world.
Comments
Post a Comment